Rule number 7 – PART 2: How to assist those around you to continue being an optimist/nice person even if you are not: At the Movies.

I realize I have mentioned this before but after a recent experience at the movies I feel it needs to be explored in much greater depth. I found myself in a movie theater with carefully chosen friends who don't talk but sitting next to a row of 7 teenage boys. They apparently thought they were at a public film forum. Otherwise, I am not sure how it is possible to have THAT much to say during a film. In order to remain an optimist/nice person, I tried to imagine all of the reasons someone would be compelled to speak through an entire movie. I thought maybe the constant stream of words was because someone did not speak English and had brought their own personal interpreter. But then I picked up enough words to realized they were all English speaking (clearly I did not try very hard as this was my only idea but to be fair, I was trying to actually watch a film at the time). Next, I tried a few sighs and mean glaring (which is surprisingly ineffective in a dark movie theater); nothing worked and the words continued to flow unimpeded from the teenage mouths.
Then, just to make sure I reached another level of insanity, they decided to text their other friends (the ones not at the movies) to tell them what a great time they were having. I can't imagine they were having a good time because I am pretty sure to this day they will have no idea what actually happened during this particular film.
After spending WAY too much time pondering the reason behind talking in theaters and just how close I had come to standing up, running to the front and screaming "SHUT UP!"  Thus putting my days of being an optimist/nice person behind me, I decided intervention was necessary. Therefore, I have developed a fool proof series of questions to help anyone who may still be confused about the subject. I am also available for seminars given for the very discounted rate of the cost of a movie ticket.  Or,  you could just casually post this, perhaps on Facebook, (This is particularly effective if you have a friend who you love but just can’t help themselves.) and be like "HA! isn't this funny? LOL!" (even if you don't think it is funny, saying it is funny might get them to read it). Then hopefully you will have a reformed talker that you are  free to take to the cinema anytime you want.

So, in summation, there are very few reasons to speak in a movie. (None that I can think of but there could be something. Like maybe, "Close your eyes! If you watch this scene you will never sleep again and forever be an angry bitter cynic who believes everyone will eventually just kill each other." But this would be a one time emergency situation because I am unlikely to have gone to see a film requiring this sort of intervention.) The trip to the movies is supposed to be an all encompassing absorbing experience. To be explored in much depth AFTER the credits roll, when you are free to explore its profound meaning, criticize its idiot director, writer or actor, or just say "That was amazing!" over and over. Feel free to quote line after line or explain the six degrees of separation between you and Steven Spielberg. The floor is yours! However, if you want to talk to me in a movie theater, while the movie is rolling, your opinion is immediately invalid because you can't possibly have acquired all of the information needed to have formed an opinion worth me missing any part of the movie. Plus, I would like to continue being a nice person and sitting there mulling over your words tends to make me think not nice thoughts while I miss even more of the film I paid to see. For instance how ridiculous your opinion is and how you may or may not have brain cells.

I will say that the rented movie has slightly more lax rules. This is because I either did not feel the movie would be worth a full price ticket, or I have already seen it in the theater. Also, the rented movie provides ample opportunity for witty banter which I am fully in favor of especially for the absolutely ridiculous film that should be mocked mercilessly. But remember, NOT in the theater! It is dark for a reason people!!