Musings of an aging mind PART ONE

I recently celebrated my birthday.  Every year around that time I get very pensive and often have some deep philosophical insights. This year I have found I have discovered fewer insights and more questions. I wonder if this is because I am getting more confused or smarter? Here are some examples:

1.      Can we be dressed feminists or do we all have to be naked?  Can we be liberated and dressed? Do we have to be naked, riding on construction equipment in order to show how liberated we are?  I want my daughter to grow up free, breaking through all the glass ceilings, and not sexually repressed but I would like her to be able to do this while dressed. Is this not possible?

2.      Why am I a sucker for shiny technology, even though I am pretty inept at using it? I like looking at it and pretending I know how to use it. I also say things like data and gigabyte and nod convincingly when others talk to me about these things. I have no idea what any of it actually means. Basically I just read their expressions: if they look happy, I smile, if they look sad or stressed, I frown. The only time this backfires is when my husband waves shiny technology in front of my face and then he and the sales guy do an interpretive dance about how my life will never be the same, and how I will rule over all computers and phones for only $1299.99! My eyes glaze over and I try to think of all the clever words I know, throwing in things like Pixels and storage capacity. They continue to spin and dance around me. I watch as the salesman’s eyes grow wide (and a little shinier, weirdly) as he can sense my weakness growing. His eyes dart between my husband and me as we argue. He and Alan seem to be following some sort of script from a scene in a Broadway musical (you know, the ones where the two evil geniuses sing songs of advice as they slink around the hero convincing her to become part of their diabolical plan even though she has no idea about their diabolical plan and they just keep singing “yes you can!” over and over as the orchestra builds until the hero is convinced that it is a solid plan and steps forward, arms raised to sing in declaration -  “YES I CAN!” and the evil villains slink off out of the spotlight, crouching and rubbing their beards in greedy anticipation of their crime and the utter demise of the Hero. You know; one of those scenes.) I finally cave and spend the money. But the heroine is bested in the end because even though the shiny technology is pretending to work for me  it is carrying a secret weapon innocuously named "Windows 8". Which suddenly decides while you are editing,  very important, world changing literature  that you would actually rather be looking at an alternative document. I yell and scream at my nemesis but it just smirks at me and reminds me that I asked for this when I purchased the computer, in the store, during a musical number, with two villains.