Who pushes the upload button?

 

As I woke this morning, I found myself glaring at the new computer. The one my husband made me get, even though the old one was fine. (Yes Alan, the old computer is fine! Stop hassling me! I have the blog so they all have to listen to me. And now they will all know I was right and you were wrong.) He promised  that the new computer would be the end of error messages and broken progress bars. He and the sales guy tag teamed me, promising endless memory and showed me shiny big numbers about Ram and things I had no idea about and I was lulled into their dreamy picture of computer bliss. And yet here we are. Yesterday, I decided I would post a video on my blog, for a couple of reasons. First, because I plan to do this in the future and I need to work out how. And, second, because I thought I could make you all laugh, which is the number one goal of this blog. But it was not to be. Sadly, four hours and six different saved versions of the video later, all I have is a four-sentence paragraph explaining the video. No video. Just endless error messages after endless hours of watching progress bars.

 I have always wondered and now I am sure that these things are out to get us. Just you wait. One day a little army of ant-size people is going to come marching out of our computers and tie us down and make us watch little progress bars that make it all the way to the end and then send an error message. Then they are going to video our descent into insanity and they will post it on their blogs (because, if you are going to take over the world, you really should blog about it). And they will make us watch as all of their videos are successfully uploaded.

But I have to ask myself, why the hostility, little ant-size people army? Are we over working you? Do you fall asleep during work hours? Is that why I can’t upload my video?  But then this really isn’t fair because I was never told about the little ant- size people army that works in my computer. I was always told it was a hard drive, so it’s not my fault they're underpaid and over worked. I mean, if there are little ant-sized people, I would think they are the perfect people to be working inside my computer. Wouldn’t they feel like they have found their purpose in life? Maybe that's why it happens to me all the time.

Maybe, in my computer, there is a little ant-sized person who knows he is meant for greater things. He is sitting off by himself, writing in a journal about how small the world is and how he just has to see what’s out there. He thinks there must be more to life than pushing the upload button everyday and then coming home to watch reruns of “Fried” (a sitcom about four friends trying to make it in the competitive computer of a gamer). All his friends are content to work and get married and have kids who grow up to work and get married and have kids who grow up to work... but he just can’t take it anymore. Well, I say, go for it little ant-size man. Be free! Go and see what’s out there! Stick it to the man! Take your little ant-sized back pack and bum around Europe. Or go and visit ant colonies in the woods and see how to live off the land. The world is yours! I will go and make myself a cup of coffee so you can escape without being seen. But, if you wouldn’t mind, could you train a replacement little ant-size man to push the upload button before you go?